Wacky Critters
Funny Comics Jokes and Quotes
May the Wackiness be with you....
Jokes and Quotes
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton
--------------------------------
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
--------------------------------
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
Emo Philips
--------------------------------
If strippers are exotic dancers, does that mean drug dealers are exotic pharmacists?
--------------------------------
"we can still be friends" after a breakup, is like saying "hey the dog died but we can still keep it."
--------------------------------
Jokes and Quotes
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey
--------------------------------
I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.
--------------------------------
The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight.
--------------------------------
Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!
--------------------------------
Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”
--------------------------------
Jokes and Quotes
Vincent van Gough walks into a bar, and the bartender offers him a drink...No thank -you, said Vincent, I've got one 'ere.
--------------------------------
“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.”
--------------------------------
“The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded”
--------------------------------
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”
--------------------------------
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”
--------------------------------
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
--------------------------------
I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.
Kanye West
--------------------------------
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
Georg C. Lichtenberg
--------------------------------
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
Return to 'Home' from 'Jokes and Quotes'