Wacky Critters
Funny Comics Jokes and Quotes
May the Wackiness be with you....

Jokes and Quotes

 
GPS bird animal cartoon

Jokes and Quotes

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Dolly Parton

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers

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My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

Emo Philips

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If strippers are exotic dancers, does that mean drug dealers are exotic pharmacists?

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"we can still be friends" after a breakup, is like saying "hey the dog died but we can still keep it."

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Jokes and Quotes

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey

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I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.

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The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight.

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Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!

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Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

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Jokes and Quotes

Vincent van Gough walks into a bar, and the bartender offers him a drink...No thank -you, said Vincent, I've got one 'ere.

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“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.”

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“The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded”

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“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”

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“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”

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A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.

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I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

Kanye West

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A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

Georg C. Lichtenberg

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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Steven Wright


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