Wacky Critters
Funny Comics Jokes and Quotes
May the Wackiness be with you....

Jokes and Quotes

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GPS bird animal cartoon

Jokes and Quotes

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Dolly Parton

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers

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My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

Emo Philips

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If strippers are exotic dancers, does that mean drug dealers are exotic pharmacists?

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"we can still be friends" after a breakup, is like saying "hey the dog died but we can still keep it."

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Jokes and Quotes

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey

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I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.

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The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight.

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Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!

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Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

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Jokes and Quotes

Vincent van Gough walks into a bar, and the bartender offers him a drink...No thank -you, said Vincent, I've got one 'ere.

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“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.”

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“The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded”

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“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”

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“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”

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A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.

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I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

Kanye West

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A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

Georg C. Lichtenberg

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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Steven Wright

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