Wacky Critters
Funny Comics Jokes and Quotes
May the Wackiness be with you....

One Line Jokes

 
santa animal cartoon



One Line Jokes

When in doubt, mumble.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?



One Line Jokes

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.



One Line Jokes

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?



One Line Jokes

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.



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